It’s that time of year again.
The weather is getting nice.
People are getting out and enjoying the sun.
As I drive home from work, I see runners… I see bike riders…I see couples strolling and holding hands.
As I leave the grocery store, I see a Mom getting on her bike with one baby on the back and one on the front.
My response to these images for the past year and half has been, “it’s ok, you might not be able to do that…but you can do other things!”
But the truth is, I desperately want to be able to do these things.
When I see a Mom pushing a stroller, or someone taking a jog…my heart aches.
I feel sad.
My Mom has said to me that she worries that I haven’t processed the accident enough…haven’t taken the time to mourn like so many others have…
I’ve consistently played it off.
“Mom, I’m fine! I can drive. I’m back to work. I can run errands, cook, and do laundry. I’m a wife, and even a mom to my puppy! I’m ok.”
But I think she’s right…I think there’s something more for me to recognize.
I’m not ok because I can “do” all of these things…I’m ok because Jesus has made it so that the sadness will someday be undone.
We have been studying Revelation at church…putting ourselves in the very midst of the throne-room where God’s plan to cleanse the world is in action.
He WILL bring all hearts to Him, and He is where the beauty is. He is where the suffering ends. He is where sadness ceases.
But that’s just it…the sadness has not yet been undone…and that means that it is very real.
As we wait for the Lord to take it away, He uses it as a tool in our lives.
Sadness encourages me to run to God for comfort because He is the only one who can give it.
Sadness gives Him the chance to meet me in my despair when I have nothing else to cling to, and lead me into the hope of eternity with Him
For me, sadness has served to help me to identify some of my idols and selfish desires…the things that I cling to above Christ
I see the idol of control in my heart when I look at my life and it just isn’t what I THOUGHT it should look like.
I realize the root sin of comparison in my life when I look at other women and envy their bodies/capabilities.
I see the reality of my stubbornness to rely on myself instead of Christ when I am bitter about having to re-learn things in a different way.
This is not to say that everything we are sad about reveals an idol in our life…
I am SAD about not being able to walk…but that does not mean I idolized walking…
What I’m realizing is that sadness is real, and it is only as I embrace it that I see its many purposes.
I recognize the brokenness of myself and the world.
Left with nothing else to hope in, I run to CHRIST for comfort
In the arms of my loving Father, I cling to the fact that someday, this sadness WILL be undone.
My new struggle is with the balance of allowing the sadness to be real and to penetrate my heart, while still clinging to the hope we have in Christ and the joy that stems from that.
I don’t know exactly how to do that…but I do know that sadness is OK.
Sadness does not mean that I am a failure...that I am not “strong enough”
I am not OK because I FEEL OK
I am OK because God is in control.