It’s that time of
year again.
The weather is
getting nice.
People are getting
out and enjoying the sun.
As I drive home from
work, I see runners… I see bike riders…I see couples strolling and holding
hands.
As I leave the
grocery store, I see a Mom getting on her bike with one baby on the back and
one on the front.
My response to these images for the past year and half has been, “it’s
ok, you might not be able to do that…but you can do other things!”
But the truth is, I
desperately want to be able to do
these things.
When I see a Mom
pushing a stroller, or someone taking a jog…my heart aches.
I feel sad.
My Mom has said to me
that she worries that I haven’t processed the accident enough…haven’t taken the
time to mourn like so many others have…
I’ve consistently
played it off.
“Mom, I’m fine! I can drive. I’m back to work. I can run
errands, cook, and do laundry. I’m a
wife, and even a mom to my puppy! I’m
ok.”
But I think she’s
right…I think there’s something more for me to recognize.
I’m not ok because I can “do” all of these things…I’m ok because Jesus
has made it so that the sadness will someday
be undone.
We have been studying
Revelation at church…putting ourselves in the very midst of the throne-room
where God’s plan to cleanse the world is in action.
He WILL bring all
hearts to Him, and He is where the
beauty is. He is where the suffering ends.
He is where sadness ceases.
But that’s just
it…the sadness has not yet been undone…and
that means that it is very real.
As we wait for the
Lord to take it away, He uses it as a tool in our lives.
Sadness encourages me to run to God for comfort because He is the only
one who can give it.
Sadness gives Him the chance to meet me in my despair when I have
nothing else to cling to, and lead me into the hope of eternity with Him
For me, sadness has served to help me to identify some of my idols and
selfish desires…the things that I cling to above Christ
I see the idol of
control in my heart when I look at my life and it just isn’t what I THOUGHT it
should look like.
I realize the root
sin of comparison in my life when I look at other women and envy their
bodies/capabilities.
I see the reality of
my stubbornness to rely on myself instead of Christ when I am bitter about
having to re-learn things in a different way.
This is not to say
that everything we are sad about reveals an idol in our life…
I am SAD about not
being able to walk…but that does not mean I idolized walking…
What I’m realizing is that sadness is real, and it is only as I embrace it that I see its many purposes.
I recognize the
brokenness of myself and the world.
Left with nothing
else to hope in, I run to CHRIST for comfort
In the arms of my
loving Father, I cling to the fact that someday, this sadness WILL be undone.
My new struggle is with the balance of allowing the sadness to be real
and to penetrate my heart, while still clinging to the hope we have in Christ
and the joy that stems from that.
I don’t know exactly
how to do that…but I do know that sadness is OK.
Sadness does not mean
that I am a failure...that I am not “strong enough”
I am not OK because I FEEL OK
I am OK because God is in control.
____________
"Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'" Rev 21:1-4
