Me or Him?

As most weeks have been in this season, this past week has been a mixture of wonderful & challenging. I have come to a realization recently that has brought a certain amount of freedom to my soul when I am sitting in the midst of the chaos: it's either about me, or it's about God. What I mean by that is quite simple-and yet somehow, evokes a daily war within. When people say, "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle-you must be incredibly strong"-I think most times they say that to encourage me & my character and while well received...it doesn't make much sense to me these days. 

You see, I don't believe that God puts something on our plate with the intention of pushing us to the end of our rope, just to see how much we can handle. I also don't believe that it's about what I can handle or can't handle. To me, it seems to make much more sense to just trust that whatever happens on this earth, I have the God of the universe on my side. He will never leave me or forsake me. He walks with me through whatever comes up. The realization is: it's about Him. It's about His consistency & faithfulness. He is sovereign over every ounce of what happens during my lifetime--and he works all things together for His glory. It's not really about me, about my family or about our circumstances. It's really about the plan that he has for our lives and for the lives around us. I find that I'm quick to analyze the things happening around me & my family and wonder things like-when will it end? when will our luck change? when will things be easier or comfortable again? so many hard things have happened in the last couple months to John & Kait...they are bound to have something good happen, right?

Actually....wrong. Do I hope that this season is followed by a season of abundance & joy & comfort for my family? Absolutely. Do I believe that we deserve that, or that somehow our "luck" is about to change? Not really. Who knows? Reality is, we could have this season of endless challenges last the rest of our lives. Frankly, I don't think it's even about that at all. My deepest prayer in this moment is that our family is a family who believes with the deepest longings of our souls that what goes on in this life, is about the God of the universe-and not about us. Would you pray this over us in this time?

This week John & Kait + the rest of the Wanberg's & Daniel and I were fortunate enough to attend a dear friend's wedding (pictures below-congrats again to Sue & Tom! We love you!) and celebrate Thanksgiving together at the Rice's house. Both were joyous celebrations of life & the immense blessings the Lord has poured upon us. We sat around the table on Thanksgiving evening after a long walk together around the neighborhood & shared what we are most thankful for. Craig & the incredible staff that took care of Kaitlin, a family who is united when it would be so easy to be enveloped by stress & turn against one another, a community who is not afraid of our burdens-but gladly bears them with us. We are thankful for warm meals that were intentionally thought out and delivered, for Kaitlin's life and for Kait & John's marriage. We are thankful for warm homes, for the resources that we have been given & blessed with. We are thankful for the life of my sweet Grandma Jeanne & Mark's brother, Dennis. We spoke freely about the joys we have experienced over the last year, and about the hardships that we have fought & are fighting. At the end of our conversation, we ate pie & ice cream, had a family sing-along in the living room and laughed deeply.

We most certainty serve a generous and gracious God. 

Prayer requests: 

• Pray that Kaitlin's panic attacks will go completely away
• Pray that getting her brace off on Monday will go smoothly [she is sooooo excited!]
• Pray that John & Kait would have a smooth transition into their newly renovated home when they begin to move in in the next couple weeks
• Pray for Kait as she goes to visit her students next week & prepares to begin teaching again part time in January
• Pray for the complete healing of Kait's spine-that she may walk again!

We appreciate each of you & your commitment to fighting for & walking with us....you are truly treasured by each member of our family.

We love you!

-Carolyn

Almost cute...

The Wanberg side {minus Daniel who joined us later}

We were early to the wedding & this is what happened with our extra time...

Fighting Back with Truth

I had a panic attack last night.  I wish I could say that this was a rarity; but it has actually been happening quite often since the accident.  Going through a spinal cord injury is like riding a roller coaster.  Some times are easy and carefree and I hardly notice the wheelchair and paralysis.  Other times are filled with anxiety and sadness and all I want to do is escape from what feels like a prison inside my own body.  These ups and downs are HARD for both John and I.  When everything is going well I feel like myself and we function fairly normally.  When I am feeling down or anxious, however, it is almost as though my brain works completely differently.  I lose hope and want to give up this crazy fight. 

One of the hardest parts of all of it is that I never know when my anxious moments are going to strike.  They seem to sneak in and take over while my guard is down.  The only thing to do once the attack as begun is to fight back.  Despite this knowledge, when I am down, fighting back is the last thing I want to do. 

Last night during the panic attack, we parked my wheelchair on the front porch and John sat by my side while I cried and cried and tried to catch my breath.  He didn’t say much, knowing that nothing he said could cure or take away this attack.  What he did say, however, was powerful. He asked me to remember what I know to be TRUE about God, Jesus, myself, and the relationship between the three. 

God is GOOD (Psalm 86:5)

God created us and LOVES us deeply

(Genesis 1:27) (Psalm 139:13-16) (Ephesians 2:4-5)

God is SOVEREIGN (meaning he has complete control over the entire universe)

(Psalm 139:1-4)

God NEVER CHANGES, even when things in our life feel out of control

(Hebrews 13:8)

God makes all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28)

Jesus is the SON of God (John 3:16)

Jesus DIED AND ROSE again to take away our sins

(1 John 4:9-10) (Ephesians 2:1-10)

Jesus’ death gives us HOPE that we will be united with God someday

 (John 3:16) (Ephesians 2:1-10)

NOTHING can separate us from the LOVE of GOD (Romans 8:38-39)

We are like DUST or a WHISPER (Psalm 103:13-16)

We have a God who has already won the battle and has left us with TRUTHS about himself and us that fight harder than we ever could alone.  When I feel anxious, the only thing I can do it meditate on these truths and keep them at the front of my mind.  The lies, anxiety, and hopelessness seem so overpowering sometimes, but God has given me tools to fight with if I am willing to use them. 

Love,

Kaitlin

The Bread of Life

In John chapter 6 Jesus accuses his followers of seeking Him not to hear his message, but simply because he gave them bread to eat and made sure their stomachs were full. He basically said that the only reason they wanted to have anything to do with him was because he solved one of their worldly problems which was hunger.  Although they denied it, I think that for many of the followers, Jesus' accusation was accurate. Why? Because I fight this tendency daily. 

This new life that I face is filled with incredible challenges. I can put on a happy face and pretend that everything is ok, but in reality, I want to be healed so badly. I want to be able to walk and run and hike and dance. I want to be able to get dressed or go to the bathroom like a normal person.  I could never have fathomed the frustration that stems from this type of an injury. Everything is different...more difficult...and I just want to be normal.  

I ask The Lord every day to heal me, but in reality, he is not a magic genie.  Jesus did not come to make every challenge or hardship or struggle go away.  He did not come so that my life would be simple or comfortable. His purpose in coming here was to bring glory to himself. If I treat him like a genie and seek Him for the sole purpose of solving my problems, he does not receive glory in my life. If I shift my mindset, however, and realize that by coming here Jesus has given me HOPE and the ability to stand up underneath all of these frustrations even if they are never healed or solved, the result is praise towards him.

Jesus is not my personal magic genie. Nor would I want Him to be. He is the SON of the GOD of the UNIVERSE.  He is the bread of life. He is everything.  Eat of His flesh and drink of His blood and we will be saved. He came to save my soul and to give to me the bread of life so that even under the weight of paralysis and all of the frustrations stemming from it, I will be FULL. I will be SAVED. I will have the strength to STAND. 

My response to this will always be praise. What an awesome and eternal God we serve. 

Love, Kaitlin

I'm Free! {A post by Kaitlin}

I’m Free! I’m Free!  Yesterday we moved from Craig hospital into a hotel just a few miles down the road.  Since then we have been enjoying this “freedom” to the fullest! Our hotel happens to share a parking lot with Chili’s AND a movie theater; so John and I obviously enjoyed both last night.  Today we took a quick visit to our home in Aurora and then headed up to Boulder!

 What a joy it was to be able to leave my residence without having to worry about notifying doctors, nurses, pharmacy techs, etc..  I won’t say this new freedom has been free of bumps and bruises; but the JOY I am experiencing to be living life outside of the hospital’s yoke far outweighs the struggles.

This new stage reminds me that freedom isn’t easy.  Even freedom in Christ isn’t EASY…no one said it would be, but it is JOYFUL.  We are set FREE to live life fully by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Seize this freedom that has been given to us along with the bumps, bruises, hardships, and overwhelming JOY that it offers. 

I am looking forward to exploring this new life the Lord has given me.  I am FREE!

“Who the Son sets free is free indeed”  Romans 8:36

Love, Kaitlin

Good Shots

These pictures are overdue to be posted-Mark, I apologize for the delay in getting them on the blog! 

Kait and her Dad went hunting a few weeks ago and from what I've heard-all the guys on the trip were incredibly impressed with Kaitlin's shot. Once again, she proves how hard-core she is! Our side of the family was in Chicago when John got a text with the first picture (below) in it....he promptly showed it to everyone around us with pride. 

Mark writes this about their trip: 

Here are a few shots from last weekend (pun

Intended). It was huge Fun. I would never have
dreamed we would be hunting. Praise God for
healing, and for all the great people he's gifted to
bless us. Mark

Transitions

Sweet friends & family-

Today is the day! Kait is scheduled to transition out of Craig hospital this afternoon. She has completed all of her therapies (incredibly successfully) and checked off on all of her skills. She has completed her driving program, been video taped doing her daily routines by her therapists in order to help future patients- and this morning will be saying the last of her goodbye's (she'll of course be back to visit-so they are really more like "see you later's".)

Last night as Daniel and I sat with her she looked completely at peace as she said, "I'm ready. It feels natural to be moving on to the next stage of this journey." She is truly a woman after the Lord's heart, and because of this-she is confident in his provision and sovereignty no matter the circumstance. What a blessing it is to spend time with her.

Our family invites you to pray with us today for John and Kait. May this transition be seamless and natural. May Kaitlin feel proud of her accomplishments, and hopeful when thinking of the accomplishments still to come. May the Lord protect this courageous couple against any ounce of anxiety or fear. May they feel the abundant love of our Creator & be overflowing with the joy of His presence in this season.

As with any big transition, there are joyful things and difficult things. In this transition, we are choosing to open our eyes to the joyful ones. Would you celebrate with us today? Celebrate the incredible gift of Kaitlin's health. Remembering her the day of the accident brings me to tears as I think about how far she has come to be where she is today. She has learned so much over the past couple months and I am incredibly grateful that she is well enough to leave the hospital. She fought for life and will continue to fight!

Looking ahead: Today, John & Kait will move into a hotel close to Craig for a week to give them a chance to transition together and to get some much needed time alone. Sometime next week, their plan is to move in with Daniel and I until their house is complete. Kait will pick up her new wheelchair in a week (and get to trade in the wheelchair she's in now, which she hates). She is scheduled to get her brace off around November 25th, which will be a HUGE celebration. She will be returning to teach part time at the beginning of January, and will return to teach full time at the beginning of the new school year in August.

There is no doubt in my mind that Craig hospital and everyone in it is better because of Kaitlin-she will be missed! There is also no doubt in my mind that the world outside of Craig is so ready to have her back.

We appreciate you & your prayers--
Stay tuned!

Carolyn

P.S. The next Amerigo fundraiser for those interested is in the planning stages-we are shooting for early January to give Iain (owner of Amerigo) time to focus on the busy holiday season! Reservations will be open sometime mid-December. Keep your eyes out for the invitation! Thank you for your support.

Fear and a Scolding - A Short Post From John

I can hardly believe it…. Kaitlin gets discharged from Craig in just a few short days. Tonight one of our friends had her hairdresser come by and give Kait a lovely haircut, so as I sit here writing this she is tossing her hair back and forth saying “don’t I look pretty?” Of course she does! She is positively radiant, exuding confidence and excitement that we are about to enter in to the next phase of this journey. I can’t help but grin stupidly as she wheels from side to side admiring herself in the mirror. That is my wife! What a top-notch lady. I am so proud of her.

Thinking again of leaving Craig this Thursday, I am excited. What I find however is that my mind continually shifts to the great unknown of our future. Trying to think through life insurance, getting a job this next year, dealing with health insurance and medical bills is overwhelming. Fear begins to well up inside of me. The chance of successfully navigating all of these things seems small in comparison to the obstacles at hand. When I talked through these feelings with Kait, she simply told me to step back and take things one day at a time. I am reminded of the time that Jesus scolded his disciples for their lack of faith when they were worried about what they were going to eat. The God of the universe just grins and looks at me from above saying “don’t you get it? I created everything. Am I not capable of taking care of you?”

Yes Lord, you are certainly capable. I believe that you will care for us, but help me with my unbelief.

Future Grace

I received a text from one of my best friends in the world today- and to me, it was the perfect encouragement for where my heart is right in this moment. I wanted to share it in case it struck a chord in any of you since I feel so strongly that each of you is so deeply invested in our family & are truly walking this path along with us.

"I'm reading a book called Doctrine Matters by Piper. In the section I am reading he talks about past grace and future grace. Past grace being the cross & the new birth in Christ. He states, 'Christ died for us and lives for us. And because his death is all-purchasing, and his life is all providing, grace will NEVER stop flowing to us. Therefore to trust in past grace means to draw from it confidence in future grace.' Carolyn, praying that as you trust in past grace you would draw confidence in future grace. Thankful that even that trust and faith is by the power and grace of God alone."

Each of your devotion to reading our humble attempts at processing life right now is proof that the Lord we serve protects us & loves us in profoundly beautiful ways. We get to trust in future grace because the truth of the gospel REIGNS. God sent his only son to die on our behalf. Jesus lived the life that we could not live in order to die the death that we deserve to die. The best part? He rose from the dead to give us new life! We get to live in freedom knowing that God the Father sees us through the perfection of His Son. There is no greater gift than the past, present & future grace of the King of all creation.

I echo Tara's beautiful prayer for me, over all of you-that you would draw confidence in the grace of God.

All our love-
C

Jewels on the Rugged Path

It’s Saturday morning and I had promised Carolyn I would update the blog this weekend, especially in order to convey our current prayers requests to you. The Wanberg family, minus Kaitlin, left for Chicago on Thursday for a memorial service for Tom’s mom, Grandma Jeanne. They’ll be returning to Denver tomorrow afternoon.

Kaitlin is spending the day with Mark. Believe it or not, they’re going on a hunting excursion in Bennett, Colorado for the day. It’s a Craig Hospital recreational outing and Kaitlin jumped at the chance to go. Of course, she will probably be the only ‘girl’ on the outing! 

She is doing well and is scheduled to leave Craig on November 14th. She went to the local mall with Megan, Carolyn and her occupational therapist last week. They had fun power shopping for an hour or two. Kaitlin is now allowed to ‘transfer’ completely by herself without calling a nurses aide to assist her. She is also learning how to drive with steering wheel controls and hopes to become certified in driving before she leaves Craig in two weeks. We’re still trying to figure out a car situation for her. Originally we thought that she could use her Honda Civic for solo driving but now her physical therapist is saying she may not be strong enough to take her wheelchair apart and hoist it into the car. Therefore, she may need a van with a side lift for solo driving. Her schedule remains extremely busy leaving her quite exhausted each night. Last week she actually learned how to get in and out of airline seats!

Kaitlin’s health continues to be pretty good. She had a minor setback earlier this week with pain in her esophagus and a scope procedure revealed ulcerations which were probably caused by all of the medications she’s on. The doctors believe her esophagus will heal if she is careful taking her meds one at a time and in an upright position. She is already feeling improvement but it will take 10 days or so to fully heal.

All of the renovations on the house are moving along and are on schedule to be completed by the end of November. We are so thankful to Frank, our head contractor, and to the crew of subcontractors who are working so diligently to make Kaitlin and John’s house a ‘home’ that will be functional and easy to live in. These men are emotionally invested in the job and we’re so grateful for their tender hearts and sincere efforts to make it the best home it can be. Frank is one of Mark’s old fraternity brothers. There will be a two week stretch of time when Kaitlin and John will either stay with Carolyn and Daniel in their new home or live in a handicapped accessible hotel room.

We continue to be eternally grateful for all of the prayers, calls, meals, letters, cards, donations, visits, errands run, and TLC you have lavished on us these past two long months. Your love has been truly astounding and an inspiration to all. You’ve been jewels along a rugged path.

When something of this magnitude happens in your life, it requires great faith. In the case of a ‘complete’ spinal cord injury, Kaitlin’s healing is totally dependent on God’s healing power.  Unlike cancer or other illnesses where a physician might present a plan of treatment, spinal cord injuries have no specific treatment besides waiting to see if movement/feeling are restored as the cord heals during the next six to nine months. The patient can work to become more independent and self sufficient, but there is no ‘cure’ for the spinal injury. If Kaitlin is to be healed it will be by the sheer, magnificent power of God. We hope to one day celebrate His provisioning and her healing by giving ALL of the glory to Him. But one thing we know for certain, even if Kaitlin never walks again, God will give her a beautiful life. She is still ‘our girl’ and her value, remarkable beauty, incredible faith, sweet disposition, and fierce independence and tenacity are not dependent upon legs. They never were! She has been one of the most precious blessings in my life….my first born child! The one who endured all of my mothering mistakes with such grace. And who has continually inspired me to be a better person. I have always been incredibly proud of her, but never perhaps to the extent that I have during the past two months. I love you, Kaitlin.

The depth of John and Kaitlin’s trust and hope in the Lord has been apparent each and every day. I have thought much about this and many people have commented to me about it, even insinuating that this was perhaps something Mark and I and Anita and Tom did ‘well’ in raising our children. I personally will take no credit for their level of faith. I believe that it happened because of a whole army of faithful, selfless servants who took the time and made the effort to teach and mentor and minister to our kids along the way. It took a Christian community of believers to prepare them for this day. I am thankful for all of those people who have been involved in the spiritual development of Kaitlin and John throughout their lives. You all know who you are. From preschool/elementary school Sunday school teachers, to pastors, junior and senior high youth group leaders, small group leaders, camp counsellors, and parent volunteers.  Each of you has invested in their lives from infancy to young adulthood to help them come to know the Lord Jesus Christ in a real and personal way. It is you who have prepared them to meet this challenge with the Lord and we are truly grateful. I hope you will walk into your classrooms with greater vision on the lives you are undoubtedly impacting each and every day. Thank you.

Train a child up in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

PRAYER REQUESTS FOR THIS WEEK:

• Total healing of Kaitlin’s spinal cord
• Restoration of abdominal muscles
• Healing of the ulcerations in Kaitlin’s esophagus.
• Physical, spiritual and emotional strength for all of us
• A positive and gentle transition from Craig Hospital for both Kaitlin and John
• Protection from the enemy
• Continued protection from colds and flu
• Travel safety for the Wanberg family as they return to Denver tomorrow
• Comfort for the Wanberg family as they grieve the loss of Tom’s mother, Jeanne
• Safety for construction crew members as they work on home renovations
• That the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self control) would rain down on us all

With love and appreciation, Sue

GOD IS MOST GLORIFIED WHEN WE ARE MOST SATISFIED IN HIM.