Eye Exam - A Note From John

(Posted on behalf of John)

Three days ago I had an eye exam. Towards the end of what has been the most stressful week of my life, I started to realize that my eyes were not focusing on anything further than 15 feet away. This was concerning, and I wanted to know if extreme stress could make an otherwise strapping young fellow go blind in a week. The prognosis: my eyes are fine, but at the moment they are ‘stuck’ in near focus, which is why far away things seem blurry and ill formed.

The past week has been a whirlwind which I never saw coming. In fact, this path is not one that I would ever have asked for or hoped for….but here we are. So many people have kindly asked how we are doing, and the genuine love and care which characterizes our community has been astounding. After a long conversation with my good friend Matt Varnell, he made clear to me a beautiful metaphor which God has provided in the midst of this hectic week.

Right now, both Kaitlin and I are emotionally, physically, and spiritually focused on the moment… we are trying to take each new day as it comes without getting too far ahead of ourselves. Some days, we have good mornings and bad nights. Other times, we feel hopeful yet sad, or discouraged, or elated at some small step forward. On several occasions I have blindsided by a wave of grief as I drive home from the hospital, and other times I feel peaceful and eager to see what the future holds. Right now, our perspective on life is like my eyes… stuck on short focus. Even on good days we feel that our vision for the future is blurry and ill formed. Think about it… in a short moment, nearly every plan and dream that Kaitlin and I had made was irreversibly altered. It has gone a long way to destroy the illusion that we are in control, and yet... both Kaitlin and I feel a deep sense of peace about the future.

A wise man once told me that when we read the Bible, we should fight against interpreting the scripture in light of our lives. Rather, we should interpret our lives in light of the scripture. Just as the eye doctor told me that my vision was fine, God has told me who I am, and how I am supposed to love and pursue Kaitlin. Even though the future seems fuzzy and ill formed, we know that God is good, that he cares for his children, that he is sovereign, all powerful, and merciful. None of this has changed. We have confidence that our role is to love and pursue the God of the universe, and that he will take care of the rest.

We are living out Proverbs 16:9, which says “the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Even so, we are told “do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value then they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” (Matthew 6:25-27). Perhaps this is why Jesus, when teaching us how to pray, said that we should only ask for our daily bread. Although Kait and I do not yet know what the future holds, God has not been silent, but rather has given us instructions. “He has told you, o man what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8). We worship a God who has told us that we are loved (Romans 5:8), adopted as sons (Romans 8:14), and given a purpose (2 Corinthians 5:17-20). The best part? None of these things have changed now that Kaitlin is paralyzed. So Kait and I, despite being stuck in the short term, are not without direction.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:1-5).

We’re stuck for now… injured, but not out of the game. Both Kait and I firmly believe that this is just a rough start to a great adventure that God has planned for us;

…so here we go.

- John